Creative Writing: Monologue: Eva's Treats by Stephania Chuku

Eva’s Treats

A Monologue by Stephania Chuku

‘I’ve gotta pack the lot up. No need keepin’ ‘em ‘ere anymore. Get rid of ‘em, the lot of ‘em.

We ‘ad some good times me & Harold, he never understood the dildos, but a business is a business int it?

     “Make an honest woman outa y’self” He’d say, I’d frown at ‘im and say “You did you silly muppet, you married me!” and he’d shake his head and carry on reading the paper.

I don’t think my Harold was embarrassed of me. I did an honest good day’s work and put bread and butter on the table every day. Most men’d probably feel a bit useless not being able to work, it weren’t his fault he had a dodgy leg. 

We didn’t ‘ave no kids us, but with that leg of his there weren’t much goin’ on behind closed doors. It broke me ‘art ‘cause being disabled changes ya don’t it? He was sat in this very same couch day in day out, readin’ his book or doing the cross word.

    The shop was my safe haven weren’t it? A bit like me escape. We had a laff me and the girls, sorting through all our stock ‘avin a little giggle at the edible underwear. We got all the school girls comin’ in, touchin all the plastic willies and squirming at the rabbits. It brought tears to me eyes thinkin’ I’ll never have squirming teenage girls, but it was alright, ‘cause I had Harold.

    I think it was resentment about how much time I was actually spending there, rather than what I was actually doing. In my day, men went out, brought home the bacon, and women smiled, cooked and never questioned. Oh how things changed. Not only was I goin’ out to work, I was selling bedroom goodies to all these young hip lasses. We did get the odd elder come in, Mrs Dierdre thought she were smart wearin’ a brown scarf over her head and glasses. I smirked at Maple and nodded me head over at Dierdre and Maple gave out an “ooh!” and covered her mouth. It could’ve been the talk of the town that, but we weren’t like that us. It’s no one’s business if Mrs Dierdre comes in every so often to pick up a toy or two; everyone knows her Arthur’s a drunk so she can’t be getting much luck in that department, bless her.

    I don’t know what me kids would’ve said about their mam if they knew she owned a sex shop. Disown me? My Harold nearly did. I were fuming, people were talking “oh that Eva, you’ll never believe what she’s gone and done”, “oh poor Harold this, poor Harold that!”

They all assumed I’d turn that space into a sweet respectable little cake shop, now I’m respectable but I’m definitely not sweet, and plus I can’t bake. I never set out to open Eva’s Treats. It’s not like my dream as a little girl was to sell naughty bits n bobs to Cornish folk, but when Harold’s leg started playin’ up I had to think fast didn’t I?. Me dad’s money wasn’t gonna last so I thought of the best thing I could and that was starting up a business.

Yeah it lost me my Harold, but I don’t think he was really there when he stopped working. No smiles or jokes, I couldn’t tell you what a cuddle was and we didn’t do Christmas in our house anymore, “Too much bother and money for nothing” he’d say, plus I was going to hell anyway with a job like mine as Harold liked to remind me on a weekly basis.

I don’t regret a thing. I may have lost a lot of close ones but I found joy in that little shop. And everything happens for a reason doesn’t it? I said I’d never close that place ‘til the day I died and I’m still alive. I may be on me own now and I ought to retire! But I just can’t seem to bring myself away and I still get delighted when a new box of delivery arrives and me and the girls gather around laughing at the latest funny shaped goodies we’re about to sell.’